It’s happening.

I have lost over 45 pounds so far. Eighteen inches total off my bust, waist, thighs and hips. Moderately exercising and sticking to my eating plan has been key. Slip-ups have happened, but by learning to be honest about them and why they happened, it makes it MUCH easier to deal with. And you know, paying attention to myself for the first time in about 30 years feels quite invigorating. There’s still a lot of trouble with letting go of extreme control over my environment, but I am learning to pause, look at it again, and realize what I can and what I can’t control.

Slowing down in life and refusing to take on “too much” has also been key. Stress has been holding on to my weight for years – well fuck you, cortisol. You will not control me again! <shakes fist for emphasis> I started doing some yoga, however I’m not yet consistent with it. I always need to know if I’m doing the poses “right”, or what I’m supposed to be concentrating on while doing each pose. Sorry – I gotta know that stuff or I can’t get into it.

I closed my Facebook account because, being honest with myself, I felt anxiety each and every time I logged in. Like I HAD to respond to people’s posts even though I didn’t have anything meaningful to say other than “Woo hoo!”. And if I did have something meaningful to say to a post that, for instance, pissed me off or was factually incorrect, then I had to craft something that wouldn’t cause my friend distress (how can I know something like that, right?  I mean, look at the medium we are using here!). Maybe my words could cause them to not be my friend for realisies! My other option is to, of course, ignore it. But then I’d simmer a little, keeping my words to myself. All in all, it just made me feel bad. And that started to happen with astonishing frequency. All the things on the screen, clamoring for attention – it was too much.

So I left my email address up on my wall. I’m on Google+ exclusively and I check in at my leisure. Weekly, mostly. It’s a great change. And putting on clothes that are three sizes smaller than my usual?

Fucking awesome, guys.

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One Response to It’s happening.

  1. The Jersey Wife says:

    subscribed to the blog so I don’t miss a post.
    Wish I could leave FB. I tried once. Family sucked me back in. Seems people get pissy if you con’t visit/click/share what they’re sharing and they threaten to “trim” the friends list. I’m 50 years old. My life, a very happy one, consists of taking photos of my adorable grandson over and over and over again, my family, knitting, getting into intellectual debates with my husband and baking up a storm in my kitchen. Oh and the weight loss thing.

    CONGRATS TO YOU ON LOSING THREE FREAKING SIZES!! You go sexy mama!! You’re amazing!

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